A wise woman once said “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.” That woman was Whitney Houston, owner of one of the most impressive set of pipes the world has ever been blessed with. She also sang about how they can never take away her dignity.

Whitney Houston died of a drug overdose in 2012. I’m still wondering if they ever managed to take away her dignity… because you know, crack.

Yes, I just implied that Whitney Houston died a crack whore.

In any case, a few weeks ago, I had a chance meeting with several childhood friends who now have children of their own. This, by itself, is already a running joke – because I’m probably gonna end up marrying some Russian mail order bride, and have halfie babies when I’m in my 50’s. They’re gonna be half-Chinese and half-Russian. So basically, Tajik… but without the unibrow.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Google it.

During the conversation, we talked about things you usually talk about with new-ish parents. Does that creature know how to use the toilet yet? Is the little shit talking in full sentences now? As far as horrible children go, is that monkey easy enough to take care of? You know, stuff like that. But we also talked about school and education.

There are apparently only a handful of suitable schools within a few KM driving distance, with “suitable” here varying in application depending on who’s talking. One of the parents was looking for something good but inexpensive, another was looking for something that had a good collection of other parents to network with. One of the parents wanted a school that had a distinctively Filipino-Chinese application of the Angle-German branch of a Middle-Eastern desert cult from the stone age – she was looking for a “Christian” school.

She preferred that it be somewhere in Makati, the erstwhile premier CBD of the Philippines. The problem was that there was only one school that pretty much fit the description, so she and the husband were having a hard time deciding between one that was 2 hours north, or another one that was significantly closer, but was “too Chinese”.

This coming from an ethnically Chinese woman, who married an ethnically Chinese man, because both of their ethnically Chinese families wanted to keep their fucking ethnic purity. I know, right?

Anyway, the main point of this thought dump is this: there’s a market for a new school somewhere in Manila. I’d like to start this school and have it focus specifically on Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math. You know, STEM courses. I don’t think there’s one high school here that can honestly claim to be offering teaching and curricula to the quality of even a public or charter school in the US. I’d make sure that there was an actual chem lab where kids can play around with explosive material. Massive funds would be channeled towards tech and IT, if only in the hopes that one of the kids would event grow up and be able to develop AI for sex robots.

Hmm… what sort of policies would I put in place if I were principal of a highschool… Well, to begin with, I’d do away with uniforms. I hate it that schools here in Asia actively destroy individuality at such a young age. I’m not saying that there won’t be any dress codes – what I’m saying is that I don’t like it that children are forced into playing Nazi dressup.

I’d also include a few months of taking care of that fake baby, the same way they do in the movies. But, that wouldn’t be enough. I’d also put in place a proper sex education class that deals with both the physical and the psychological aspects of fucking. Kids need to know at least the very of basics of how to sort out this part of life’s barrage of shit. I mean, adults are pretty crappy at it – how do you think little Johnny is going to handle his raging pubescent boner that’s raging for BOTH little Katie and little Sarah?

This imaginary school would be more international – I’d throw the kids into situations where they wouldn’t know how to react. Maybe bring a bunch of them out to Cambodia. Yes, I’m talking about bringing 15 year olds to see skulls with bullet holes, and then gather round some tree-smashed baby bits. Oh, also, Angkor Wat. Let’s not forget that. Because Cambodia isn’t all about murdering babies.

Oh, and no institutionalized religion. Because, fuck religion. Seriously, fuck religion. We’ll be teaching comparative religion from a socio-historical perspective. There won’t be any forced Friday sessions where kids have to listen to mass. Yes, speaking from experience.

Kids in the Philippines should be given the opportunity to see the world through different lenses, and different eyes. As much as we’d hate to admit it, we’ve already outsourced education and social exposure to schools and, to be honest, parents are too fucking busy to be showing them all the wonder that the world has to offer (and all the horror). Schools should take on that responsibility.

Would parents see the value in this sort of thing? I think yes. I would, but then I’m not a parent. Which is probably a good thing.

 

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